Hey Diddle, Diddle

HEY, DIDDLE, DIDDLE! Hey Diddle, diddle The cat and the fiddle The cow jumped over the moon The little dog laughed to see such sport And the dish ran away with the spoon. Once upon a time in a large white farm-house upon an open moor there lived a Wizard. As you know, wizards work very hard; and about once a year, usually towards the middle of March, they take a holiday—and then very extraordinary things happen. One March night this particular Wizard set off upon his holiday as usual. Before he went he looked round to see that everything was tidy and in its place. Yes, there was the Cat dozing in front of the fire. The Fiddle was standing upright in a corner of the room. The Dish was on the dresser and the Spoon in the basket. The little Dog was guarding the door outside. The Cow was lying by the cow-tub in the yard. All looked peaceful and in order. So the Wizard put all his magic into his tall black hat, shut the door, and went out. When he had passed through the farmyard gate he locked and bolted it behind him. But the lock was very stiff, and in turning and pulling out the key, his black hat got pushed on one side, so that a little of the magic escaped, and filtered back through the keyhole. The Wizard, without stopping to think what might happen, pulled his hat straight, and went off into the wide world to enjoy his holiday. The little bit of magic floated slowly in through the farm-yard gate; over the Cow by the cow-tub; over the little Dog guarding the door; through the keyhole of the door; over the Cat dozing in front of the fire; into the corner where stood the Fiddle; into the basket where lay the Spoon; and finally rested on the Dish on the dresser shelf. The Dish yawned, steadied himself, slowly dismounted from the dresser, and balanced himself on the kitchen table. "Spoon, my love," he said wearily. "Yes, my sweet," answered the Spoon, tripping out of the basket on to the table beside him. "I can make love as well as that, and better," said the Cow, poking her head through the kitchen window. "Here we are again!" said the little Dog, bursting in through the door. The Cat and Fiddle bowed and scraped to each other in the corner. "Hey, diddle, diddle! The Dog has no manners," squeaked the Fiddle. "No, indeed," said the Cat, politely. "Spoon, my love," began the Dish again, "what a miserable life we lead. Laid down to do the same old things over and over again. Though twice a day your elegant figure approaches mine, and I see myself reflected in your shining countenance, yet have I never a chance of telling you how much I admire you. We have never any opportunity for amusement, or private conversation. Though you do occasionally scrape me, just to show me how much you love me. Yet, oh my Spoon, that is not enough. I am weary, oh my Spoon, of being laid on a dresser or a table. I loathe that my beautiful form should be covered with gravy or soapy water. Oh, my Spoon, in these few hours that are before us, let us forget our miserable and monotonous existence. Let us show the world that we can twirl and spin with the best of them. Let us dance, my love, let us dance, and," he continued, pursing his lips, and lowering his voice to a whisper, "when the fun is at its highest, let us run away from here altogether, and get married and live happily ever after," and he twirled round on his edge, just to show what he could do. "Yours is a delightful plan, my sweet!" said the Spoon. "You are indeed a lordly Dish," and she simpered charmingly. "I could think of as good a plan as that and a better," bellowed the Cow through the window. "I could think of a plan as big as the sky." "What's the odds, so long as we're happy!" chortled the little Dog. "Hey, diddle, diddle! how vulgar he is!" squeaked the Fiddle. "I quite agree with you," said the Cat, politely. "Spoon, my love," began the Dish once more, "shall we ask the Cat and Fiddle to sing and play for us, while we dance?" "Certainly, my sweet," said the Spoon, and added coyly, "I am sure if you asked them, they could refuse you nothing." "I can sing and play as well as they can and better," bawled the Cow again through the window. "My top notes reach the stars." "You may all sing and play till you're hoarse for all I care!" said the little Dog. "Hey, diddle, diddle! don't let's pay any attention to him," squeaked the Fiddle. "But we may as well oblige the others," said the Cat. So the Cat and the Fiddle struck up a lively tune in which they each strove as to who would squeak the highest. The Dish and the Spoon danced and klinked blissfully together on the centre of the kitchen table. As the music got louder and louder, and wilder and wilder, the little Dog joined in the dance, and at last even the Cow tossed up her four legs and started dancing too. "Spoon, my love, see how high I can spring," said the Dish, coming down on the table with such a thud that he nearly cracked from top to bottom. "When I do that again," he added in a lower voice, "it will be the signal for you to run away with me. What a night we are having!" and he twirled round faster than ever. "Yes, my sweet," answered the Spoon, "everything that you do is right. Wherever you run I will run too. I would that I could spring as high as you do," and she turned gracefully on her handle. "I can jump as high as that and higher," roared the Cow through the window. "I can jump over the moon." "All right, old girl, do it then," said the little Dog, skipping out into the yard, when the moon was shining in all her splendour, and reflected round and bright in the cow-tub. "Hey, diddle, diddle!" squeaked the Fiddle, louder and more contemptuously than ever. "Me-ow!" shrieked the Cat on an even higher note. They played and sang more vigorously than before. "Over the moon you go!" shouted the little Dog to the Cow. She tossed up her heels, and springing high into the air jumped over the cow-tub, wherein shone the moon's reflection as round and bright as the moon itself. The little Dog nearly split his sides with laughing. "Ha! ha! ha! that's a good joke," he said. "You had me there nicely," and he and the Cow started jumping about together all over the yard. The Cat and the Fiddle squeaked louder. The Cow and the little Dog jigged higher and higher. Never was heard such a noise! The Dish jumped off the table with a thud. "Spoon, my love," he whispered, "the moment has arrived. The little Dog has left the door open. Fly with me." There was such a hullaballoo going on that nobody except the Spoon heard what he said. He seized her round her elegant waist and danced away with her, through the open door, and across the farm-yard. They were just wondering how they should get out of the gate, when—— Snip! Snap! Snorum! There stood the Wizard just outside! The Dish and the Spoon looked guiltily at each other, but they could not stop dancing. "What is all this noise!" cried out the Wizard angrily. The little Dog and the Cow heard his voice in the yard. They, too, looked guiltily at each other, but they could not stop dancing. "What are you all about!" cried the Wizard again, still more angrily. The Cat and the Fiddle heard his angry voice through the open door. They, too, looked guiltily at each other, but they could not stop playing or singing. Then the Wizard lost his temper altogether. "Pouf!" he said, flinging back his head, so that his hat fell off, and the magic went rolling about all over the place. "Pouf! Is this the way you behave when I am not here. Can't you stop that disgraceful noise! Pouf!! I will get rid of the whole lot of you!" He raised his foot and gave the farm-yard gate one tremendous kick. It was a magic kick. Before you would have had time to say "Snip! Snap! Snorum!" the whole farm, Cat, Fiddle, Dog, Cow, Dish, Spoon and all, went flying sky high into the air. Even then they could not leave off dancing and singing. "Spoon, my love!" sobbed the Dish, "I wish I was sitting down on the dresser again. "Yes, my sweet," panted the Spoon. "I can breathe as well as you and better!" puffed the Cow. "Whew-w-w," whistled the little Dog. "Hey, diddle, diddle," sniffed the Fiddle. "Yes, we are all quite breathless," gasped the Cat. But still they went swirling on. Up, up, they flew, dancing and singing all the time. The music sounded fainter and fainter as they mounted higher and higher into the sky, but their forms were still quite plainly visible. What a pity it was that the Wizard had forgotten all about that little bit of magic that had filtered in through the keyhole, for now they were doomed to go on singing and dancing for ever. A long time has gone by from that day to this, but they have never ceased to swirl along up there in the sky. They have been in the glare of the sun now for so many years that they are bleached quite white, and their outlines are blurred and indistinct. Yet, if you look carefully enough, you will see them all—Cat, Fiddle, Cow, little Dog, Dish and Spoon, and even bits of the farm-house too—for they are always sailing along somewhere, high up above our heads.