The Tale of the Pie and the Patty Pan

Once upon a time there was a cat named Ribby, who invited a little dog named Duchess, to tea. "Come soon, Duchess," said Ribby's letter, "and we will have something so very nice. I am baking it in a pie-dish with a pink rim. You never tasted anything so good!” wrote Ribby. Duchess read the letter and wrote "I will come with much pleasure at a quarter past four," wrote Duchess; then added—"I hope it isn't mouse?" Then she realized that didn’t seem polite so she scratched it out and gave her letter to the postman. Duchess was tormented though, and she read Ribby's letter over and over again. "I am dreadfully afraid it will be mouse!" she thought to herself—"I really couldn't eat mouse pie. And I will have to eat it, because it’s polite. And I was going to make a pie that is veal and ham with a lovely pie crust. I put a patty-pan in the middle to hold up the crust; and I made a hole with a fork to let out the steam—Oh I do wish I could eat my own pie, instead of one made of mouse!" Then she thought, "Why don’t I just put my pie into Ribby's oven when she isn't there? We both have the same type of pie dishes!" Duchess was quite delighted with her own cleverness! Meanwhile, Ribby had received Duchess's answer, and as soon as she was sure she could come she popped her pie into the oven. Ribby had an uncommon cabinet with two ovens, one on top and a hidden one on the bottom. It also had decorative knobs and drawers that did not open. Ribby put her pie in the lower oven. "The top oven bakes too quickly," said Ribby to herself. "It is a pie of the most delicate and tender mouse minced up with bacon. I have taken out all the bones because Duchess did nearly choke herself with a fish-bone last time I had a party. She eats in such big mouthfuls so fast but she’s still the most elegant little dog." She spread out a clean white tablecloth and set out her best tea set. Then Ribby put on her shawl and bonnet and went out with a basket to the village shop to buy a packet of tea, some lumps of sugar and a pot of marmalade jam. On her way Ribby saw Duchess down the street, also carrying a basket, covered with a cloth. They only bowed to one another but didn’t stop to chat as they would see each other later at the party. As soon as Duchess got round the corner out of sight—she ran straight to Ribby's house! Ribby went into the shop and bought what she needed and went on to Timothy Baker's to buy muffins, then she went home. Meanwhile, Duchess had already quickly slipped in and out of Ribby’s home. "I couldn’t find Ribby’s pie anywhere! I put my pie in the nice hot oven on top but didn’t see any other pie in there. I tried the other knobs and drawers but nothing budged! I do wish I could have removed that pie! But I heard Ribby coming and I had to run out the back door! Well, I’m sure she’ll use my pie as it was the only one in the oven." Duchess thought to herself. So she went home and brushed her beautiful black coat; and then she picked a bunch of flowers in her garden as a present for Ribby to pass the time until four. Ribby started to make tea, and put the teapot on the stove. She peeped again into the hidden bottom oven. It had become a lovely brown, and was steaming hot. Very punctually at four o'clock, Duchess started to go to the party. "I hope Ribby has taken my pie out of the oven." said Duchess, "And that she gets confused and uses mine instead of the pie made of mouse. I wonder what happened to that one." At a quarter past four to the minute, there was a knock at Ribby’s door. "Come in! How do you do, my dear Duchess?" cried Ribby. "I hope you are well?" "Quite well, thank you, and how do you do, my dear Ribby?" said Duchess. "I've brought you some flowers; what a delicious smell of pie!" "Oh, what lovely flowers! Yes, it is mouse and bacon!" "How good that pie smells! I do love veal and ham—oh, I mean to say mouse and bacon" "I will cut the pie for you; I am going to have muffins and marmalade," said Ribby as she went to go fetch her pie from the oven. "Do you really prefer muffin? Oh, mind the patty-pan!" said Duchess as Ribby began to cut into the pie. Duchess thought to herself, “It’s strange Ribby did not seem to notice a patty pan while cutting the pie. I don’t remember mincing the veal into such small pieces either when I made it. It should be fine though if I have pie. What could go wrong? It was only mine in the oven after all." With that, she dug right in! "How fast Duchess is eating!" thought Ribby to herself, as she ate her muffin. The pie-dish was emptying rapidly! Duchess had had four helps already, and was fumbling around with her spoon. "A little more bacon, my dear Duchess?" said Ribby. "Thank you, Ribby, but I was only feeling for the patty-pan." "Oh, I didn't put one in, my dear Duchess," said Ribby; "I don't think that it is necessary in pies made of mouse." Duchess looked very much alarmed and continued to scoop the inside of the pie-dish. Duchess set up a howl. "I have swallowed the patty-pan! Oh, Ribby, I think I’m going to be sick!" Duchess moaned and whined and rocked herself about. "Oh I feel so dreadful.” Frightened, Ribby sat up. “Oh no, Duchess! I’ll go get the town doctor!”—and when left alone, Duchess thought to herself, "How could I have swallowed it! Such a large thing as a patty-pan!" She got up and went to the table, and felt inside the pie-dish again with a spoon. "No; there is no patty-pan, and I put one in; and nobody has eaten pie except me, so I must have swallowed it!" She sat down again, and stared mournfully at the fireplace. The fire crackled and danced, and something sizzled! Duchess jumped up! She went to the kitchen and opened the door of the top oven; out came a rich steamy flavour of veal and ham, and there stood a fine brown pie,—and through a hole in the top of the pie-crust there was a glimpse of a little tin patty-pan! Duchess drew a long breath— "I must have been eating MOUSE! No wonder I feel ill.” She reflected—"What a very awkward thing to explain to Ribby! I’ll just hide my pie in the back-yard and say nothing about it. I can grab it on my way back home." She put it outside the back-door, and sat down again by the fire, and shut her eyes; when Ribby returned with the doctor, she seemed fast asleep. "I am feeling very much better my dear Ribby," said Duchess pretending to be waking up. "I suppose I should be going home before it gets dark." "I agree, it might be best to go home and rest.” said Ribby, a bit puzzled at Duchess’ quick recovery. “I will check on you tomorrow to see how you’re doing." Ribby and Duchess said goodbye, and Duchess pretended to head home. Half-way up the lane she stopped and looked back; Ribby had gone in and shut her door. Duchess turned back and slipped through the fence into Ribby’s backyard where she found three birds eating her pie. Duchess felt so silly and couldn’t help but chuckle to herself before heading home. When Ribby came out for a pailful of water to wash up the tea-things, she found a pink and white pie-dish and a patty pan lying in the middle of the yard. Ribby stared with amazement—"So there really was a patty-pan? But all my patty-pans are all in the kitchen cupboard. What a strange party! Next time I think I’ll invite Cousin Tabitha Twitchit instead!"